It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
lets start a swedish sibling band together
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
