sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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