If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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