I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
this is an emotional support booty call
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
