Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize