Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
