I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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