I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
