Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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