i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
