I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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