Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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