WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It's Friday. Sex?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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