We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize