How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
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Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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