Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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