Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
