I accidentally had phone sex last night
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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