eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
