I'm passing your future prison.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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