i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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