You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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