the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
