Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
