so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
