She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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