Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
