my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
