It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
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I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
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there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.