so I'm never txting u again after today...
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done