whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She's allergic to latex.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?