She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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