dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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