this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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