On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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