I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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