I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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