How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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