I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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