its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
