idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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