i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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