tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
