R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
