My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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