He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
