wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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