She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
