I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
