after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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