I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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