I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
