No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
