I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
