it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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