I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
