hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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