i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
