Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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