They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
