How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
