ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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